Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
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