guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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