just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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