everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize