i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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