giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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