My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
