maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
