I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize