He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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