I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
