Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
