Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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