..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
