Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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