I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
