hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
