So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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