This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
