everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize