Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize