just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
