So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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