Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
