So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
