Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
