if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
