in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
