If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
