How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize