My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
