i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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