Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
