Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize