I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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