she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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