Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize