So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
