How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
