You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
