Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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