im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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