Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize