I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
