Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
