Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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