I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
