Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
