My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
