Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
