Ketchup is God's man juice
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
