so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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