The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
