he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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