i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
