there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
