Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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