just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You took a bar mat shot.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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