Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
