are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
