Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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