My room smells like vodka and shame
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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