How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize