I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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