Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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