i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
