You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
