she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Randomize