I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
