Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
