don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
