You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
