we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
