just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
