i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
