So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
